To the Moms Who Want to Find Themselves Again

“Sometimes I can feel my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I’m not living.”
–Jonathan Safran Foer

And I can. There are so many things I want to be and do each and every day, but I find myself being and doing less and less. I refuse to dwindle away into a person I don’t know or like. I refuse to lose myself in being somebody’s mom, wife, or co-worker. Although those parts of me are pieces of who I am, they are just that, pieces. Who I am is not defined wholly by them.

“Be as you wish to seem.” –Socrates

So, I will, and as a testament to myself, I’ll list all the things I wish to be and to seem. I hope it inspires you–mama, co-worker, wife, husband, dad, student, athlete, whoever you are–to do the same.

I wish to grow a vegetable garden.

I wish to seem confident, even on days when I’m not.

I wish to shrug off hurtful things others say and not merit them with a reaction.

I wish to be the mom that listens to classical music. And dances when I think no ones watching.

I wish to drink my wine red and my coffee black.

I wish to spend my free time–whatever that is–writing. Writing something that will make an impact.

I wish to be the wife that plays cutesy games and writes little notes.

I wish to actually do my hair more often.

I wish to recycle.

I wish to reuse and refurbish the things around me, whether for myself or for others.

I wish to know happiness as a truth.

I wish to listen–I mean really listen–to what people are saying more often.

I wish to run far and eat clean.

I wish to leave people feeling empowered.

I wish to inspire.

I wish to do yoga and stand on my head, effortlessly.

I wish to consistently be on time.

I wish to travel.

I wish to get my Master’s degree.

I wish to be the person that people feel they can confide in.

I wish to laugh so hard I cry more.

I wish to seem like this person, and so I will strive to become her. To become who I wish to be. To become who I am. To be as I wish to seem.

Your turn, mama.